Guest Post: Inspiration for Losers and the Lazy by Ippick Bonecrusher

Published August 29, 2015 by admin

So, I promised I’d let some people guest post a little bit more on here, and I use the term people loosely. Since we’re talking about creativity and process off and on, I wanted to hear a little bit about how others approached things, so today we’ll be hearing about the role of inspiration.

I’m so sorry. Please think a few hundred times before even considering following his advice.

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Inspiration for Losers and the Lazy

a guest post by Ippick Bonecrusher

Seems to be a rash of creative types moanin’ an’ whingin’ bout not havin’ the best idea or not gettin’ there ideas right when they go to write ’em down. While I don’ straight make a livin’ off writin’, meself, I do get hit up for advice columns when certain someones is feelin’ a might too lazy t’be doin’ their own work. I don’t get what’s so hard ’bout it all, really. All’s ye need is a decent mechanical quill and some inspiration.

But Ippick, ye ask, what if I’m sufferin’ from writer’s block or just don’t know what to do with an idea or even how to get one?

There’s yer mistake. Yer sittin’ there makin’ up excuses and waitin’ for some made-up muse creature to zap an idea into yer noggin’. I’ve met my share of otherworldly creatures and believe ye me, ye don’t want them crammin’ anything into yer head cuz’ it won’t be anything what you expect. So stop sittin’ round on yer rear like a lump and go out there and get ye an idea! Go fer a walk. Go read or talk to people. Punch someone in the face and see what they do and what colors they turn. Chase some ducks or take someone’s ice cream and really look at it. See how it makes ye feel and what the rest of the realm does when ye do somethin’ unexpected like that. Then go write about it.

People and Folk make writin’ sound like blasted hard work, but it’s all just words, ain’t it? Words strung together to get across an idea. It don’t have to be good – that’s what editors are for. Besides, Fate knows there’s always someone out there who’ll like the dumbest things, Sit ye down with some paper and mechanical quill or a laptop and pound out some words! Even if it’s just t’get ye goin’, at least it’s somethin’! ‘Sides, ye may start a new genre or end up with somethin’ all literary only arrogant smartypants think they understand.

Ye don’t even hafta try hard! Look ‘ere and I’ll show ye:

Once Upon a time there was a right brute of a mutt named Herbert. He lived in a bookmobile and wanted more than anything t’own a bookstore but he couldn’t cuz he was a dog. Since everyone knows faeries have no magic no more, he instead looked up an antique-lookin’ tome filled with mumbo jumbo and did cultic rites to the Olde Ones that no one believed in anymore, even though the smart ones know they’re still kickin’ round. He did this for three months until he was ready to run outta sacrifices and other things needed to do those weird rites like certain herbs, copper dust, bones, ice cream, mead, mutton chops, and turnips but not the rotten ones the market lays out at the end of the week. Then he went to the post office, picked up his dry cleaning, paid his rent, and performed the dark rites all orderly an’ neat, hopin’ against hope he’d finally be listened to.

Now lookit, see? Yer intrigued cuz dogs don’t have wills of their own…or do they, cuz we all know there are some sneaky animals out there. It makes ye wonder what else is goin’ on. Besides that, when I got stuck I just threw in me grocery list and errands I had to run and ye didn’t even notice cuz I did it all sneaky like!

Ye don’t have t’be lazy and wait fer inspiration, is all I’m sayin’. Just lower yer standards and write out some words, an’ it’ll all work out for the best.

ippickIppick Bonecrusher is a mean sonofadragon who resides in Kingdom City, The Land. A real estate agent by trade, he also occupies many odd jobs to make up for his poor people skills. Although this is Ippick’s first attempt at freelance writing, he is very prone to giving unsolicited advice. You can find him in Olde School, book one of The Kingdom City Chronicles, which can be found in Print, Kindle, Nook, and Kobo.

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Thankfully, Ippick tends to stay in Kingdom City. Paddlelump Stonemonger likes to travel, though, and he and I both will be at Oldham County Comic Con on Sat, August 29 from 9:30-5! Come visit us at table 116!

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